Unpacking my baggage

I can't even begin to entirely explain to you how much has happened and changed this year.  The obvious factors being my personal relationships and my career and the less obvious are to do with my habits, views and just my general sense of being.  A year ago, I said the following, which I think  rolls everything up into a nice little package. 2012 in all its complexity and truth :  " 2012, by the time you're over, I may not be the same person, have the same friends, relationships or jobs...That's cool with me. My life may take on some more stark turns, but I'd like to at least believe that whatever does happen, I will be in complete control of my direction and actions. " I'm not sure where I'm heading in 2013. More or less, just having had to reconsider a lot of things over these last few months, I'm only now learning to start from a blank canvas again. 2013 will be a year without 5 year plans and lifetime commitments? Yes. A year about be...

I've been waiting for three months. Waiting for something to turn around and reignite my heart again. Something to change me. Who am I kidding? I tell myself I'm loving being single and alone, but I know better than anyone that I'm miserable alone. Whilst the break up is still quite raw, I've already been desperately trying to fill that void with another body. Loneliness is difficult to admit to…but being alone doesn't necessarily equate to loneliness either, right? What I've also realised is that these last few years, I have lived largely for someone else. I've been changing myself and essentially doing things to make someone, other than me, happy. So I've decided that 2013, as a wise friend has said, will be all about me. The year I learn to really appreciate myself and my own company. The year I do things for myself, on my own terms and live for me. 2013, I am making a promise to focus on me. As cliched as this is, I will learn to tru...

The last month has been an accumulation of many night outs, that I would generally just group under the umbrella that is YOLO. I find that going out, keeping myself busy and having company is all that I can do to feel like I am making an effort to move forward. I have the house to myself for the next month and much more than I realised, the loneliness is intense. So to do everything in my power to avoid being alone and forced to deal with my thoughts, I'm all about YOLO and throwing caution into the wind. I'm all about stumbling my way home in the morning, so the fact that I am sleeping alone again another night isn't too obvious. Maybe this isn't necessarily the best way to go about things...but screw that, this is what feels right for me in this moment. I don't need reason. I just need peace and if this is the best way I can handle myself and my mind right now, then well, YOFLO.