I've been waiting for three months. Waiting for something to turn around and reignite my heart again. Something to change me.
Who am I kidding?
I tell myself I'm loving being single and alone, but I know better than anyone that I'm miserable alone. Whilst the break up is still quite raw, I've already been desperately trying to fill that void with another body. Loneliness is difficult to admit to…but being alone doesn't necessarily equate to loneliness either, right?
What I've also realised is that these last few years, I have lived largely for someone else. I've been changing myself and essentially doing things to make someone, other than me, happy.
What I've also realised is that these last few years, I have lived largely for someone else. I've been changing myself and essentially doing things to make someone, other than me, happy.
So I've decided that 2013, as a wise friend has said, will be all about me. The year I learn to really appreciate myself and my own company. The year I do things for myself, on my own terms and live for me. 2013, I am making a promise to focus on me. As cliched as this is, I will learn to truly love myself and not constantly search for someone in the world to fulfill me.
This is a time for change and growth and ironically, I am starting to feel a lot happier and more vibrant lately. Even with the occasional bouts of depression, I am better off than I was before.
A couple of nights ago, after a few too many drinks, I messaged Cosmin and said 'I'm sorry. I love you and I am sorry for everything. I never meant to hurt you.' Whilst this was not one of the best decisions I've ever made, I meant every bit of what I wrote. I shouldn't have said anything at all, but I guess it's been bubbling up inside me for so long.
Today, he wrote back and said I didn't need to apologise, because it wasn't my fault we just weren't meant to be.
And I think those two messages we exchanged with each other pretty much sums up our entire relationship. Sadly.
Next post, will be filled with some photos from recent shoots I've been doing.
x
A couple of nights ago, after a few too many drinks, I messaged Cosmin and said 'I'm sorry. I love you and I am sorry for everything. I never meant to hurt you.' Whilst this was not one of the best decisions I've ever made, I meant every bit of what I wrote. I shouldn't have said anything at all, but I guess it's been bubbling up inside me for so long.
Today, he wrote back and said I didn't need to apologise, because it wasn't my fault we just weren't meant to be.
And I think those two messages we exchanged with each other pretty much sums up our entire relationship. Sadly.
Next post, will be filled with some photos from recent shoots I've been doing.
x
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