Obligatory the year in review post

I can't even begin to entirely explain to you how much has happened and changed this year. 

The obvious factors being my personal relationships and my career and the less obvious are to do with my habits, views and just my general sense of being. 

A year ago, I said the following, which I think rolls everything up into a nice little package. 2012 in all its complexity and truth: 

"2012, by the time you're over, I may not be the same person, have the same friends, relationships or jobs...That's cool with me. My life may take on some more stark turns, but I'd like to at least believe that whatever does happen, I will be in complete control of my direction and actions."

I'm not sure where I'm heading in 2013. More or less, just having had to reconsider a lot of things over these last few months, I'm only now learning to start from a blank canvas again. 2013 will be a year without 5 year plans and lifetime commitments? Yes. A year about being happy and doing things that make sense to me and maybe even at times, won't make sense to anyone else. Truthfully, I'm enjoying this side of me that lives exuberantly and allows indulgence. Frankly, I'm giving myself permission to do whatever the hell I want without the guilt stemmed from other people's perceptions. It's going to be great. 

And finally, if I had the courage to, I would say the following to the heart and soul of my 2012:

How are you? 

What is happening in your life now? What has been going on lately? Are you doing well where you are now? Are you homesick? How are your parents? Are they okay with everything? How are your friends? Do they hate me? I bet they do. How are you, truly?

I only hope that one day you understand where I've been coming from…that you understand the pain in having to refrain myself from contacting you. I didn't ignore you because I'm heartless. I was trying to give you the space to move on from me. I didn't want you to hold on to anything at all. I hope one day you see this and can forgive me for letting things end so cruelly and abruptly. I hope you see that I have always loved you and this is my way of doing it. I am setting you free - so you can be a million times better without me. God, I have so much faith in you and I'd be lying if I didn't still hope we'd see each other again 2 years from now.

The more people I meet it seems, the more it solidifies how special and rare what we had was. But for now, we need to truly grow into own people. Be who we are meant to be - the best we can be. You might have already given up on the notion of 'us', but for what it's worth, I can still see the spark and will carry it with me always.

 Yours, Kim