I started seeing a new psychologist, who is amazing. Although I only got to see her for a few sessions, before it had to all be put on hold. She was overwhelmingly understanding and just got it. As we are on hold, some days can be so tough as I'm really just craving to be able to share things with her. 

I feel myself stuck in a rut again. I've had an extremely big year of transformation and changes. Literally most aspects of my life have had some sort of upheaval. Career, home, love, family. It's been huge and it's easy to forget that when you don't look back. 

Some days I really struggle with whether I made the right decision to leave advertising. When the bills come in and cup from which you are meant to pour your heart from is empty, it really makes you question things. Though I'm not working the same long hours day-to-day, I find myself so much more mentally drained. I'm doing better things. Things for good. But it's left with exhausted and literally with days where I do not want to move, shower, leave home, make food, do anything. Is this forever what it will be like to work in this industry? Is it just this role? This organisation? Or is it everywhere? 

I struggle with the person I have become when it comes to work. I'm filled with negativity and lack of motivation. I hide so easily behind the phone or computer. I'm not doing justice to the role and I feel rubbish.