White daisy passing

"Please slow it down

There’s a secret magic past world
That you only notice when you’re looking back at it
And all I wanna do is turn around

I'm going down to sleep on the bottom of the ocean
Cause I couldn’t let go when the water hit the setting sun
Cause I couldn’t let go of the passing moment gone"
White Daisy Passing - Rocky Votolato

Grabbed a formspring account. Am uncertain as to how it'll play out for me. Consider this a trial period. Don't want to publicly display it on Facebook for it'd mean putting on show everything. Will leave it on this site for now. I believe this space of mine is relatively unknown. Should I be making more of an effort to publicise it? I'm not sure if I'm ready for the judgement and feedback on something so intimate and personal to me. I don't want to post everything up on a social networking site and basically, throw praises and congralutions at myself. I don't wish for the passing compliments to provide a collective boost to my ego.

I just want a place to document this part of my life to do with creation.

The reason I bring this up is because I always feel somewhat torn. Let's just all agree and accept the fact that I'm vain and self-orientated - I enjoy attention and I'm an egomaniac. To know that people will be reading my written thoughts and see my works would probably - by definition - be enough to make me cream my pants. But then I'm torn because I'm also incredibly insecure. Like I said, this IS something intensely private and I'm well aware of the expected judgment and critique. Feedback is excellent, but I hope for people to understand that by no means, do I consider myself a professional photographer, designer or anything of that magnitude. If anything, I'm an amateur. I'm self-taught and I'm still learning. I do it because it's fun, not because I intend on being a disgrace to the field by labelling myself as an artist or anything as such.

Finally, here's something to think about. I find it to be incredibly complex and divine the way our bodies work. Hah, blame my studying of the subject Social Bodies this semester. So our bodies are something we cannot escape from. They are ours to keep for life. They're what we use to express, to see, to transport ourselves around with. We use it to connect with people. We're empowered by the relationships we forge with others. It's a magnificent thing. However, what happens when it all breaks down?

I think it's so tragic and lonely that when these bodies of ours, experience pain, we are in it alone. The world you've sort of built around yourself sort of fades into oblivion. Your pain is within you alone. People may be there to support you, hold your hand, tell you they understand how you feel, but nobody can? We cannot numerically rate or scale, nor can we accurately verbally articulate any form of intense pain that haunts. We isolate ourselves and retract into our bodies. I don't have a moral or message for this - just thought I'd put it out there. It makes me a little sad.

"[Pain] shows us, too, how those around us
do not, and cannot, share
our being; though men talk animatedly
and challenge silence with laughter

and women bring their engendering smiles
and eyes of famous mercy,
these kind things slide away
like rain beating on a filthy window

when pain interposes"
- Updike.